SEATTLE –-it has been reported that the coffee selling giant Starbucks has allegedly been including semen in their products for the last 3 months, after semen samples were found in the back of Starbucks stores.
Apparently human semen added “more flavor” to the beverages on sale. The FDA is currently investigating the company as there are many questions to be answered.
The FDA is currently trying to find out where the semen is coming from. It is currently unknown if the semen is from humans or animals; and if from humans, is it infected semen?
“We can not believe this” says FDA inspector Jamison Fields, “this is disturbing, if i wanted to consume semen I would just do gay pornography, who would’ve known i was consuming semen through Starbucks” concluded Fields. However, not everyone thinks semen in their coffee is exactly a bad thing; according to Starbucks daily consumer Jackie Sultana, “if they’re using semen then they should keep using it because it’s so God d*mn good, I might just try semen alone to see if it’s that good”. Starbucks is yet to send out a public apology, however, we are expecting it really soon. It is also speculated that the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte, which is only sold at Starbucks in the autumn, is not only loaded with semen, but cockroaches as well. The FDA plan to shut down Starbucks production tomorrow across the nation.